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1.局花& F+ I" Q0 L$ V! Z9 t: b
局里最漂亮的MM有了男朋友，一直暗恋她的小孙看到自己的女神被别人抱在怀中，
u. X! B0 G6 M! J2 A' Q心里很不是滋味，一连郁闷了好几天。同事们看他脸色不对，便问他怎么回事，
; T" |+ r6 R- J$ c0 o* f小孙垂头丧气地说：“唉……局花被别人抱了。
( e/ J1 B# W5 L2 U9 Z评论：兄弟节哀，这有凡士林你用么
" s) s+ R/ A( H9 U Z9 Z7 z: t. z4 [/ X/ R4 ~. {! U
2.媳妇
0 R% r0 z1 m: g% R- C6 f8 \10岁弟弟不好好学习，还和他妈顶嘴，把他妈气坏了。
, ]. Z5 {6 N) l8 M p1 D8 a他爸帮腔说：“这是我媳妇你凭什么惹她生气，等你将来娶媳妇了，我也这么气你媳妇你乐意啊？”
) q$ B# ?+ O9 e+ S" F3 w谁知弟弟上去搂她妈亲一口说：“那我敢亲你媳妇，你将来敢亲我媳妇吗？”
) T9 X2 _/ V0 A# D; a评论：老爸在想，这孩子还是真孝顺
' A7 P5 Q, s/ u* X
" j6 E F! L1 {. P! `3.倒贴
. u% I% T: Z: L* @2 p* Q过年了，老张看别人家门上都倒贴一个“福”字，寓意“福到了”。
! S, q0 w/ a7 w. M/ y于是他就写了个“钱”字，也倒着贴上，寓意“钱到了”。0 B( i, L- L% u# u, y, Q
老婆看见以后问：“这是你贴的吗？”* d! y" y$ t4 t7 O" G
老张得意地说：“是啊，我帖的！”% f) I4 W8 x4 X' v
话音刚落，只听“啪”一声，一记响亮的耳光抽在老张的脸上，8 h2 B& f$ ?, u1 x+ B f/ e5 Z
“我让你倒贴钱！我让你倒贴钱！倒贴钱...！”
8 ~4 o8 Z! s) w& S评论：天朝语言文化博大精深啊
1 }/ R' |" r- C+ N- S/ M/ ?6 D, j1 F! W
4.刺激4 @1 c: `/ o. }. b7 u
今天我走在街上，# M7 Z8 V& T6 K: D" {
对面过来一老奶奶，当我跟她擦肩而过的时候，她一把就扶住了我的胳膊，慢慢地就往下躺
1 v! A( v$ G1 {; h0 y; B9 C2 |2 u/ o，我心想完了。
3 C; B$ @. _- n' l5 e( K0 h过了二十秒，老奶奶自个又站起来了，拍了拍身上的土。
; D* V: J( Z/ ^2 x“孩子，刺不刺激，人生到处是惊喜。”说完就走了。1 y9 e- f5 ^. ^+ n/ W e
尼玛，英雄不问出处！贪玩不分岁数啊！！! `" A# a( o5 d
评论：老奶奶走后我拿着她的钱包：确实刺激
" ^0 s1 e* v: N) H# c
0 J6 l% r6 s* B' M6 ?5.不加倍+ N* X2 M# a9 ^1 G3 W
小明昨天熬夜玩了一晚上斗地主，
. j$ _1 L- X' g3 N4 R0 C8 F: c今天有气无力的到了教室，教室里正在开班会。
. j7 H* f/ j) W9 a老师：“已经临近期末考试，但是你们的课堂练习还是太少，我认为作业应该加倍，你们认为呢？”
4 S/ M; J7 ~& S$ J小红：“不加倍！” 小刚：“不加倍！”( F! J. ]: f, J+ D# [: g# e
小明顿时来了劲：“抢地主！！！”。。。老师：“滚出去！”
) }, M# v4 X. s8 S评论：尼玛应该先抢地主才加倍的
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