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1.局花
" o, F& y! o2 P2 o0 ^" d* R: u局里最漂亮的MM有了男朋友，一直暗恋她的小孙看到自己的女神被别人抱在怀中，
$ |: {- h. G* o: ?2 s3 t8 f6 ~心里很不是滋味，一连郁闷了好几天。同事们看他脸色不对，便问他怎么回事，
, s1 \ v# D" K& U小孙垂头丧气地说：“唉……局花被别人抱了。
9 v$ J; N9 _ }& {' R$ K评论：兄弟节哀，这有凡士林你用么
$ V1 Q5 T/ n- i( o' a) N
' Y! ?) p9 i7 ]/ w( y2 z$ Q2.媳妇, `! a) B. h* }5 b; M
10岁弟弟不好好学习，还和他妈顶嘴，把他妈气坏了。
! B/ X, E" g9 B他爸帮腔说：“这是我媳妇你凭什么惹她生气，等你将来娶媳妇了，我也这么气你媳妇你乐意啊？”6 \ o. p) ~6 A+ v$ O; A- W
谁知弟弟上去搂她妈亲一口说：“那我敢亲你媳妇，你将来敢亲我媳妇吗？”
5 t9 y1 p5 Q r3 S# ^评论：老爸在想，这孩子还是真孝顺
8 x8 C( k T0 _( d, C; ]+ ^, A7 e+ d5 y; i- T
3.倒贴$ n' J; S+ p: w0 f
过年了，老张看别人家门上都倒贴一个“福”字，寓意“福到了”。
6 L2 j0 } j- ?- F+ ~8 X6 F. u于是他就写了个“钱”字，也倒着贴上，寓意“钱到了”。& i1 I/ I( u* G% H8 h! |
老婆看见以后问：“这是你贴的吗？”" i$ G! ?% y2 j% @3 k
老张得意地说：“是啊，我帖的！”
3 }2 x4 j. p+ |6 z' x- d5 x话音刚落，只听“啪”一声，一记响亮的耳光抽在老张的脸上，
8 ]+ V* ] e( H2 z: q b( A( R& l5 [“我让你倒贴钱！我让你倒贴钱！倒贴钱...！”
- ^$ s; k1 P2 ^0 K0 _* O) @评论：天朝语言文化博大精深啊, r' K% L H; d0 T6 D8 A! Z. d' f
. q& m9 g: S! g; k% k- s4.刺激 j4 N; D+ M* |( X0 x
今天我走在街上，" Y, Z* y, n! w& A
对面过来一老奶奶，当我跟她擦肩而过的时候，她一把就扶住了我的胳膊，慢慢地就往下躺2 c4 E& u8 m& C
，我心想完了。# K/ ]; y$ d0 u
过了二十秒，老奶奶自个又站起来了，拍了拍身上的土。# E$ d/ b+ M. \/ L; a: E
“孩子，刺不刺激，人生到处是惊喜。”说完就走了。3 J! K- Z4 `. j5 s: b
尼玛，英雄不问出处！贪玩不分岁数啊！！
+ u4 l# r i% \评论：老奶奶走后我拿着她的钱包：确实刺激) O1 i9 [, e% B. `6 \6 g0 o; k
6 u. j6 F& B) Y
5.不加倍6 G# x0 L5 b1 B. _9 T: q8 N4 n" x- x
小明昨天熬夜玩了一晚上斗地主，
5 h' w. j0 G4 [2 [今天有气无力的到了教室，教室里正在开班会。
- ?" P/ c$ t( g+ ^老师：“已经临近期末考试，但是你们的课堂练习还是太少，我认为作业应该加倍，你们认为呢？”: I! w4 g; j/ m" t r) r/ e% b
小红：“不加倍！” 小刚：“不加倍！”
1 F" o3 j) M" u7 ?小明顿时来了劲：“抢地主！！！”。。。老师：“滚出去！”3 w5 B9 L+ V9 Z# f" z1 |" U) }
评论：尼玛应该先抢地主才加倍的, B" `' ^& i$ n2 _
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