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1.局花3 _( V4 R8 l: \6 l2 T
局里最漂亮的MM有了男朋友，一直暗恋她的小孙看到自己的女神被别人抱在怀中，
, j1 ~0 o' i3 {- u心里很不是滋味，一连郁闷了好几天。同事们看他脸色不对，便问他怎么回事，! z) H" R& u3 }& l3 i) L' {+ x" [+ G
小孙垂头丧气地说：“唉……局花被别人抱了。
+ U3 n0 I3 \+ m' s5 Q! c- _评论：兄弟节哀，这有凡士林你用么: F* p) V) a5 J* S& h% N3 T- Y) `
) m1 u5 {* Y# W: v% X$ G2.媳妇5 O* l( O8 L: T! v; ~0 @, n
10岁弟弟不好好学习，还和他妈顶嘴，把他妈气坏了。- |! [; Z7 r$ w! B! s: F! r
他爸帮腔说：“这是我媳妇你凭什么惹她生气，等你将来娶媳妇了，我也这么气你媳妇你乐意啊？”7 h! }, W$ S2 u# `! N% B& i
谁知弟弟上去搂她妈亲一口说：“那我敢亲你媳妇，你将来敢亲我媳妇吗？”7 K# Z, S: i; k: v( W! l+ F
评论：老爸在想，这孩子还是真孝顺
5 a4 w4 g( `6 z( c/ n, I6 h4 m3 u
) P4 R! }. M) v3.倒贴! I- ]' ~+ S* D
过年了，老张看别人家门上都倒贴一个“福”字，寓意“福到了”。! W7 N7 {2 D5 p2 t/ A
于是他就写了个“钱”字，也倒着贴上，寓意“钱到了”。
5 G: t" o" y `5 }/ r3 m* t老婆看见以后问：“这是你贴的吗？”. N/ }8 O8 ?: z l
老张得意地说：“是啊，我帖的！”' p7 z6 p- L" F1 K" U% L
话音刚落，只听“啪”一声，一记响亮的耳光抽在老张的脸上，, p( X6 k, [7 N7 u5 @; L0 h, m( o
“我让你倒贴钱！我让你倒贴钱！倒贴钱...！”: ?# _9 p, ^% k. J; Z& b
评论：天朝语言文化博大精深啊, F" G" A+ S& ]4 r3 j
1 ~ @! E" t# _1 {
4.刺激# |2 y v/ s( k" | m: Q5 c+ u
今天我走在街上，7 a' V/ f- B2 f8 n* _0 o" k# P
对面过来一老奶奶，当我跟她擦肩而过的时候，她一把就扶住了我的胳膊，慢慢地就往下躺* `8 ]& O, I* p5 o6 i* D9 b
，我心想完了。
/ y0 N+ z0 I4 l/ C4 D' v过了二十秒，老奶奶自个又站起来了，拍了拍身上的土。- I# L# t& S! F
“孩子，刺不刺激，人生到处是惊喜。”说完就走了。
# F" M- ?1 b( k' X3 {尼玛，英雄不问出处！贪玩不分岁数啊！！
% L# p) ~" L% z5 U: [ g3 p/ N评论：老奶奶走后我拿着她的钱包：确实刺激5 ~3 e- o( m# B9 i
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5.不加倍( A# B) m. R) l8 x- O
小明昨天熬夜玩了一晚上斗地主，' A. k# t! g9 d: r2 J' {* r" t
今天有气无力的到了教室，教室里正在开班会。
: L2 E* U% b5 Y老师：“已经临近期末考试，但是你们的课堂练习还是太少，我认为作业应该加倍，你们认为呢？”
1 w0 `) i0 w1 { @- k$ x2 t) k小红：“不加倍！” 小刚：“不加倍！”
: ~, N0 G! o& S7 t' j' s小明顿时来了劲：“抢地主！！！”。。。老师：“滚出去！”( j0 O! t. G6 c7 L( k
评论：尼玛应该先抢地主才加倍的( O! `6 N" t# q- g5 R
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